One of the hardest things for a young person to deal with is seeing one or both parents drunk. Whether this occurs at home or in the presence of others doesn’t lessen the feelings of confusion, shame, fear and anger that you might feel – and understandably so. It is a frightening experience to witness your parents – who are supposed to be your role models, all-knowing, all-loving protectors – act in ways that are childish, ridiculous and even dangerous. All this due to the effects of too much alcoholic consumption. What can you do when these situations occur? What should you do if your parents constantly drink too much?
Find A Trusted Adult To Talk To
You don’t need to be scared or confused. And you shouldn’t have to. That’s not what growing up is all about. Sure, it’s kind of overwhelming seeing your parents in a state of intoxication, but it’s not your fault. You didn’t make them drink, despite the fact that when adults are drunk, they may say all kinds of hurtful things.
Maybe you have an aunt or uncle or grandparent that you can confide it. It might also be your pastor or a trusted friend of the family. Talk with that person and let them know what the situation is with your parent or parents. You need an adult on your side that can intervene if necessary, as well as help with guidance or other types of support should it become necessary.
Never Confront Your Parents When They Are Drinking
Since alcohollism is a complex disease, often with unexpected emotional outbursts and physical aggression on the part of the person who is dependent on alcohol, never try to “stand up” to your parents about their drinking. This may cause them to do or say things they’d never dream of if they were sober. It may even result in physical harm to you, your other parent or your siblings. If the situation gets out of hand, try to remain calm, don’t raise your voice, and remove yourself from the room as quickly as you can without causing a scene. Go to a neighbor’s house or that of a friend, and call your trusted adult.
Of course, if it is an emergency, diall 911 to get police help to deal with the situation. If you have brothers and sisters at home during the time of the incident, gather them and take them with you to get them out of possible harm’s way.
Keep A List Of Phone Numbers To Call
It shouldn’t be part of your daily life that you have to have a list of phone numbers to call in case there’s trouble, but when you have an alcoholic mother or father who has not sought help to deal with his or her drinking, that’s what you need to do – to protect yourself and any siblings you have at home.
Even if there isn’t direct danger to you, your parent may fall and become injured and unable to speak or move. You may need to get emergency medical help fast. Adults who drink too much and smoke may cause a fire if they fall asleep while smoking. In this situation, gather your brothers and sisters and make your way out of the house as fast as you can, calling 911 from a neighbor’s house.
How To Deal With Anger And Rejection
Your drinking parent isn’t capable of thinking and acting rationally as long as he or she is drunk. You can’t reason with them, try to convince them of anything, surely not change their mind about whatever it is that they believe is true at the time. Words they may say during this time can really sting, maybe even make you cry. But you need to know that they do still love you, underneath the effects of the alcohol. Remind yourself that they have a disease, and they aren’t being themselves when they’re drunk. If you have to, say this out loud to yourself every day: “I am a good person. I am not the cause of my parent’s drinking.” Repeat as often as you need to during the day, since it is critical that you recognize that their drinking is a problem that they must deal with.
If the drinking situation continues for a long period of time, months or years, another very important step for you to take is to get support from others who are in your same situation. One group that offers support for teens of alcoholics is called Alateen, an organization affiliated with Alcoholics Anonymous. You can call them at (888) 425-2666 (4AL-ANON) or find a meeting by going to their meeting locator website at http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html.
Tell Your Parents You Love Them
While you may feel hurt and rejected, it’s important that you share with your parent – when they are sober and not drinking or still drunk – that you love them. You may want to also say that you wish they wouldn’t drink, or that you would like them to get help to stop drinking, but never try to preach this to them. They won’t accept it and the situation could escalate into an argument – and more drinking on the part of your parent. An alcoholic has to want to quit, ultimately, because no one else can stop the drinking except the alcoholic.
Intervention May Help
A trusted adult may recommend something called an intervention, which is done by professionals with the assistance of friends and family members. But this is something that you cannot do yourself. You may wish to discuss whether your trusted adult thinks an intervention would work to help your parent who drinks too much get help for their problem. The purpose of the intervention is to have friends and family, moderated by and controlled by the interventionist, discuss with the alcoholic how their drinking negatively affects everyone. The goal is that at the end of the intervention, the alcoholic agrees to go into treatment in order to get off drinking and learn how to stay away from alcohol permanently.
Remember: You Are Not Your Parents
Often teens and younger children of drinking parents worry that they will also become alcoholics. This doesn’t have to be so. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that because your parent drinks that you will too. But you do need to know that the dangers are there, due to the easy accessibility of alcohol, the type of lifestyle you see day in and day out, and normal teen issues of rebellion, independence and experimentation. Keep focused on your school activities, sports, hobbies and recreational pursuits. Plan for your future and map out your dreams – so that your life will be one of fulfillment, not one dragged down into an endless pursuit of alcohol.
In time, perhaps your parents will be able to realize what harm drinking has done to them and to you, and seek help to deal with their problem. In the meantime, do what you can to live as normal a life as possible, be loving, but be firm in your resolve. Drinking never solves anything. Your first-hand experience with your parents’ drinking shows you that.
One final reminder: You need friends that you can talk to, whatever time of day or night that is. Never believe that you have to “go it alone,” or that no one else understands what you’re going through. Find that one individual, or several, with whom you can speak freely and with the knowledge that they will keep it private, and let them help you. Just by talking with them may help you feel better. At least, you’ll know that you always have someone there for you.
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