One of the toughest circumstances to overcome is to grow up in a family where alcoholism is a daily nightmare. It doesn’t matter that you hide it from your friends or that you tell yourself that lots of families have this problem. The truth is that you aren’t really hiding your family’s problems with alcohol at all. Other people know, they’re bound to see the differences in your behavior and mental state, especially if you show up at school with unexplained bruises or broken bones as a result of parental violence due to alcohol. And just because there are millions of families in America with one or more parents who are alcoholics, that doesn’t help your situation.
Worst of all is the fact that you worry constantly if you are destined to become an alcoholic. Is it true? Will you automatically become an alcoholic if alcoholism is present in your family?
The answer is: it depends, in large part, on you. True, you are in a higher risk category for developing alcohol, but other factors are also at play. Let’s examine some of the
Genetics and Alcoholism
Children of alcoholics are more at risk for alcoholism and drug dependencies than children of non-alcoholic parents. In fact, they’re 4 times more likely to develop alcoholism.
Long debated and the subject of much speculation and myth, the fact is that scientists now know there is a genetic component to alcoholism. Some 50 to 60 percent of the risk for alcoholism is genetically determined, according to recent research. Scientists have been working on ways to locate alcohol-related genes and then to determine how they function. This process is known as reverse genetics. Since each person’s response to alcohol differs substantially, by obtaining a better understanding of the genetic underpinnings of alcoholism, they will be able to identify those individuals at most risk, and tailor prevention and treatment methods to the specific individual.
But genetics or a genetic predisposition to alcohol doesn’t automatically mean that you’re destined to become an alcoholic.
Environmental Factors and Alcoholism
Beyond any potential genetic pre-disposition to alcohol, environmental factors play an important role in whether a person becomes an alcoholic or alcohol-dependent. That’s the other 40 percent or so of the risk.
What are these environmental factors? It’s your thoughts, perceptions, actions in the family, neglect, attitudes of your drinking parents, social and psychological circumstances that contribute to your potentially becoming an alcoholic – or not.
• Perception – You’ve probably witnessed your parent or parents drinking from your earliest age. Children of alcoholics see the drinking pattern in their parents and this influences their own future drinking habits.
• Violence – Drinking and violence inevitably go hand in hand. It doesn’t take much, sometimes nothing at all – a look, a perceived slight, even an inconsequential comment – to set off the alcoholic parent. The result is often a trip to the emergency room for you, bruises, broken bones, and a shattered sense of self. It’s no surprise that children of alcoholics often equate drinking with violence, since they see it and experience it so frequently themselves.
• Neglect – Many times there’s not enough food in the house, or what is cooked is burned, thrown at the wall in an alcoholic tirade, not nutritious or totally inappropriate. How many times have you had potato chips and chocolate pudding for an evening meal, or a piece of stale bread and moldy jam? If the refrigerator is stocked at all, most of the items probably aren’t fresh, let alone nutritious. Neglect on the part of the alcoholic parent takes other forms as well. Your clothes aren’t washed or folded. Rips and tears go untended. The house is filthy and in disarray. Dirty dishes and pots and pans pile up in the kitchen, resulting in an influx of bugs and potential for disease. You most likely welcome the opportunity to spend the night at a friend’s house just to get a good meal. That’s if your parents will allow you to be away from the house and their intolerable demands.
• Attitudes – Children of alcoholics hear their parents’ attitudes about drinking, and often these attitudes become ingrained in the children themselves. The myths about being able to handle it, drinking never hurt anyone, it’s only beer, don’t be a sissy, and many others reflect the poor judgment that alcoholics constantly display. Their misguided beliefs only justify their continued drinking – and they seek to instill their attitudes on their children.
• Social Circumstances – You may find that you distance yourself from your friends, either by choice or the choices made for you by your parents. You may find yourself drawn to social situations where other teens are drinking or doing drugs – and you decide to join in as well. You may feel, what’s the difference? My parents are alcoholics, so I might just as well drink. Even if you don’t drink, the social stigma that you feel inside by your own parents’ drinking may lead to your having problems in school, failing grades, truancies and unexplained absences (due to everything from caretaking your alcoholic parents to being the victim of parental violence caused by alcohol).
• Psychological Effects – Stress associated with all of the above boils over the top in children of alcoholics. Pretty soon, you may think you are to blame for your parents’ alcoholism – they’ve probably even told you as much on many occasions. You want to isolate yourself, to hole up in your room, and not have to answer any questions from others. You find it’s impossible to discuss anything with your drinking parents without it escalating into a full-blown argument, violence and more drinking. As a result, you become even more withdrawn, depressed, even to the point of thinking about suicide as a way out.
The Way Out
Alcoholism in the family is a vicious, pervading disease that seeks to engulf everyone in its path. You cannot help but be affected by it. But there is help available. And no, you are not destined to become an alcoholic. By recognizing the genetic and environmental factors that could play a part in your future, you are the only person who can make the decisions to go down a different path. You control your destiny – not the alcohol that has ruined the lives of your parents. Alcohol doesn’t have to be your end game.
Get help. Contact the Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (1-800-662-HELP) to find locations in your community for help or just to talk with someone about the problems you’re experiencing in your family with alcohol.
Alateen/Al-Anon (1-888-4AL-ANON) is an organization that offers strength and hope for families of problem drinkers and has been doing so for the past 55 years. You can find meetings in your area where you will meet other teens who are in similar circumstances, learn a better way of life and how to find happiness despite the fact that your parents may still be drinking and committed to their alcoholism.
Remember: it is your life. Ultimately, it is your decision – and yours alone – how you want to live it.
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